I’m not afraid of being wrong

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My whole life I’ve fought being wrong, feeling wrong, and looking wrong. I have never wanted someone to find out that I was wrong because, then; who would I be? I’ve found something out: I’m wrong a lot of the time. I’m wrong probably more than I’m right. I’ve realized it’s okay.  It doesn’t make me a horrible person, it just makes me human.

I’m also in a place where I’m questioning things. I’m questioning belief systems I have because I want to know if they stand on their own.  Do I believe these things because that’s what the church has told me is true or because the word of God has spoken this into life? I’ve come to this point in my life because two things are happening; one, close friends have become atheists, and two, close friends have been severely hurt by the church. I want to know why these things are happening. I want to know why the people who claim to be daughters and sons of God–who is Love–have the least amount of love to give. I want to know why my friends who have questions are pushed away for being toxic or dangerous to the church. I want to know why a church would call someone toxic and have no reservations about it. I want to know why Christians are fighting the fact that racism is real in this country, or that gay and transgender people are people too. I want to know what belief systems are causing this.

Am I a Pharisee or am I a disciple? Am I missing the point? Have I moved too far into judgement and condemnation or am I choosing grace and truth? I am close to tears writing this because I don’t want to be so focused on the rules and on the way-it’s-always-been-done to the point where I’ve forgotten to look people in the eye. I don’t want to have an agenda or a project of people. I want to always choose to see people as people and not the means to an end.

I’ve been sharing multiple different articles on facebook, most of them about the injustice happening towards our black community– some about the gay community–and I know it’s making people uncomfortable. Here is where me being wrong comes in: I’m okay with the fact that I may be wrong about the things I’m sharing. I’m okay with that, but I think these things are worth honest conversations and lots of prayer. I think it’s worth talking about because people are hurting and suicidal. People are being pushed out of churches when they should be welcomed in. Church isn’t for the healthy, it’s for the sick. “On hearing this, Jesus said to them, ‘It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.;” (Mark 2:17)

If I’m wrong, so be it! If I am, I know the Holy Spirit will soon correct me, but what if I’m right? What if it’s time for us as a community to stop clenching our fists and closing our eyes to this world? I think it’s time we stop talking for one second and just listen. I want to hear the stories of people who I’ve overlooked because they were too broken. I want to know how I’ve hurt them by my words so I can ask for forgiveness. Can we stop surrounding ourselves with people who think the same way we do so we can learn and grow and be challenged? Please, can we listen instead of rebuttal? I just want people to know Jesus, the real Jesus, not the one we’ve made in our image. If I’m wrong, that’s okay, but if I’m right, we need to help those we’ve hurt, because we’re hurting a lot of people.

I don’t have this life all figured out, no one does, but I think we’ve come too far into trying to defend ourselves.  We are worried about being wrong. When it comes to hurting people, being right or being wrong does nothing in the face of suffering. I’m going to be reflecting way more on my life and the ways I could be hurting people around me instead of helping them, I urge you to please join me in this. Lets listen more than we speak.

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I had to talk about it.

Today is Thursday, December 4th, 2014 and I’m sitting in a Starbucks and I’m confused. I’m confused because unarmed people keep being killed. Then those unarmed people’s families have to mourn them and wonder why the trained police officer really had “no other choice”.
I’m confused because it’s 2014 and the issue of race is still an issue.
Trust me, I don’t know all the facts, and I was not there, but I do know that something is wrong here, something is very, very wrong, and it makes my stomach ache.

I am a very privileged white female who has had little problems in life. Just like I questioned why I was born in America while I was in Cambodia, watching small things become big things, I question now why I was born white. Why was I chosen to live a fortunate life when so many others around me were not?
Another issue right now is why it becomes about “me”. Why Mike Brown being shot 6 times and Eric Garner being chocked to death could possibly be about me? (There are plenty more cases I could name)
You know who it’s about, and what I have to come back to at all times to have hope in anything? Jesus. I have to have hope in what has been said. I have to hold onto the God that I know, The God who is just (Deuteronomy 32:4, Psalm 111:7) and the God who is love. (1 John 4:8)
I also have to come back to a place of trust with the Lord, that a lot of things DO NOT make sense because my mind is in a earthly place and He is higher than me. (Isaiah 55:8-9)
He also has told me not to take revenge, because revenge is His. (Deuteronomy 32:35, Romans 12:9)
What I can do is love the people around me. I can sign petitions that help our justice system become that, just.
I can trust my God and know that he loves his children way more than I do, and the anger I feel is not even a small amount of what he feels.
I think when things like this happen we forget that God is for us. God fights for us; he is our protector and our warrior. This world is fallen and we will not be perfect until heaven. Unjust things will continue to happen because the human race is sinful. Until we surrender our lives to God and open our eyes to our sinful nature we cannot be changed.
We can fight for change though; we can fight with the Lord to make things different. We must put on a heavenly lens when looking at these situations though, The Lord is seated and he knows. He knows our pain and he weeps with us. Jesus was tempted and tried in every way to be able to sympathize with us. (Hebrews 2:18, and Hebrews 4:15)
I trust my God, and I trust he will work all things for our good.
Until then, I will continue to pray for the families who have been wronged, and for the justice system to understand what their role actually is.

What do you think our role as Christians is in this issue? How can we carry our brothers’ burdens?