Why Is this so messy?

Dear precious women of the Lord,

I know you’re single. 
I know some days are easier to accept that than others. 
I know all of your friends are getting married or having children. 
I know your heart aches for that, one day. 
I know you’re in love with Jesus, but you really want to be in love with a man that makes you love Jesus more. 
I know, I know you feel these things. 
But please, please, please listen to me; 
do not settle. 
Do not allow yourself to get stuck in a grey area friendship or even a relationship in your head.  
Don’t allow your heart to be vulnerable with a man that has not expressed any intention of dating you. 
Do not allow yourself to be thrown around because he doesn’t know what he wants. 
Please wait. 
You will know when you’re being pursued because a Godly man knows your heart is being held by your heavenly Father and he will not want to mess around with it.  He will be intentional with how he feels and the time you spend together.  He will not leave you questioning yourself or where you stand.  A man of God will treat your feelings with respect and allow you to know exactly where he stands with you. 
Wait for that. 


Focus your energy on the ministry of loving your church and your community.  You are more than a possible wife.  You have a purpose that has nothing to do with a man.  Focus your eyes on Jesus’s face and allow him to provide for right now.  He loves you more than any human could ever possibly try.  You are being pursued by the ultimate pursuer. Allow your heart to know the beautiful pursuit of your Beloved.  
You are worth the pursuit and you are worthy to be treated with respect. 
Respect yourself in return.


I always told myself I’d never write one of these blogs. 
There are too many out there. 
But then I think about my middle schoolers and my high schoolers I stand in front of. 
I think of their hearts and I want them to know this, so If I have to write this blog, I will. 

ImageThis topic is a hot one. 
I hear it talked about everywhere I go. 
I want you to know I’ve made up relationships in my head when the guy has never expressed any interest in me. 
I want you to know I’ve done that a lot. 
When that “relationship” didn’t work out I blamed the guy because he “led me on.” 
I led myself on. 
The poor guy did nothing. 
Just like men need to be aware of how they talk to women, we need to be aware of what the guy is actually saying and not what we want him to be saying. 
That is just as selfish as a guy leading you on. 
You are putting your selfish desires on a guy who has no idea. 


I want you to remember you are one person. 
You are not promised a future spouse. 
But you are promised Jesus. 
You are promised adventure and abundant joy. 
You are promised his presence and his love. 
That is enough. 

You are not being cheated out of a lifetime of happiness if you’re single. 
You are being given a lifetime of full on intimacy with Christ. 
You have a calling he has placed in your heart, even if you don’t know it yet. 

I want you to take a deep breath right now. 
I want you to realize you are precious, but you are Christ’s. 
You are for his possession and his glory. 
If he choose to share you, you will know. 

Focus your energy on knowing Christ fully and intimately.
Focus on knowing scripture and how you can look like Jesus to the people around you.
You are the most beautiful, the most radiate when you are looking at him, when HE is all you can see in yourself.  
You are worth pursuit, and you are being pursued, stop and think about that.

You are worth the wait, you are worth respect, and you are worth knowing. 
Take a step back and focus on who your heart truly belongs to. 
Your day will eventually come. 



12 thoughts on “Why Is this so messy?

  1. PREACH! I can’t tell you how badly I needed to be reminded that my worth & identity is found in Christ, not a significant other. Keep doing ‘yo thang’, girl!

  2. I’m in tears after reading this. It’s as if you took up residence in my mind and heart while writing. Thank you for sharing your heart!

  3. While I agree with most if this and that each girl and women should KNOW that she has all her worth and value in Christ, I am always disheartened to hear a lady tell other ladies what they should expect from ‘the right’ man. Things like ‘Don’t allow your heart to be vulnerable with a man that has not expressed any intention of dating you.’ and ‘He will be intentional with how he feels and the time you spend together.’ Yes, a true man (especially of God) will respect your heart and emotions. But I will promise this, as a man, if you show no interest there’s a good chance we’ll assume you’re not interested. I agree it’s up to the man to be bold, but we don’t want to be rejected or hurt either.

    So, while I would encourage anyone just as much to wait, I will equally encourage you (as guys and girls) to slow down. Becoming vulnerable with another person does not have to be giving them your whole heart and soul the moment the smile at you or selling off your most valuable possessions to get the chance to spend time with them. Just get to know each other, that’s a great place to start. It amazes me the number of people I know who are getting married in there teens and 20’s to people they’ve known less than a few months. If God says ‘do it,’ then do it, but there’s no way you can really know someone in a month. I have seen too many of my peers marriages fall apart as a result of them getting to know each other. Our race is for the victor’s prize, the crown of life, not a ring.

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